Sick of holding it together!

Well friends I am so over acting like the world is some happy little place! I dont know why I have waited till now to loose it but, well I have. And maybe it is the fact that I was suppose to be getting a nursery together and bring home my baby in 2 weeks.

I never thought it would ever be this hard. The one thing that I have always wanted got taken away from me. It really hurts..... I dont even know what to say............ I need help!  Wanting to try again but afraid for it to happen again

Missing my angle

Well its been exactly a week sense we had to rush our baby girl to the ER :( I am really starting to miss her and its sinking in that she will not be coming back. I am doing great for the most part, then there are those times where I just loose it and it takes me forever to get myself back together lol. But I am glad to hear she is doing better, and seeing her has really helped.
I talked with the nurse earlier today and she said that she is still in critical condition but is stable. They were suppose to take her down to the OR today but that will have to wait till Wednesday, due to the fact the surgeon that has been following her closely is sick.  Please keep praying that Gods will be done and that the heart of Angies family change.
The heart of her family truly needs to be touch. That they can come to reality and take responsibility for their action. As of right now it is still "our fault" that all this has happened to Angalena :(

Keep praying and Thank you again for all your support!

Feeling better :0

Thank God we had a safe trip to Denver and back. It was a quick one, there and back really not anytime to breath! But we did get to spend a SHORT time with our sweet baby girl and pray over her. She looks good for all she has been through and I was really just preparing myself for the worst. Nurse say she is going a LITTLE better and are going to try and ween her a LITTLE off of all those drugs.
She is HIGHLY Sedated and under a lot of meds. But when I started to talk to her and first put my hand on her she MOVED a little!! WOW makes me cry right now. She knew her mommy and daddy were there and that we LOVE her SO much!
This has been a big eye opener and has made us realize a lot. We have had some conflicts with the Hospital and MDHS. Makes me want to stand up for all these little ones even harder.
We know that God never gives you more than we can handle and I truly believe He is preparing us for more that it to come. I have had a LOT of questions on if we are still going to do foster care or not. And although this is SO hard to have to go through I do not believe we have gotten the release to quit yet. We will more than likely take a small break for a month or so and then see what God has in store for us next. I truly think we are just in the beginning of what He has called us to do with the foster care system. I am really starting to get excited about it! I know it sounds totally crazy, But I also know God has a GREAT plan and I need to stop worrying and trying to take it in my own hands. Time to STOP and LISTEN and see what are next step is to be.
We ask that you STILL keep us in your prayers! We thank you all for your love and support. I do not know that we could have done all this with our your love and support! And thats how I know that we can keep doing this, because we have such GREAT friends and family!!!
THANK YOU!!!
Keep praying for our little girl, That the doctors can make some decisions soon and that she can be well!

Blank Mind.....

Just got off the phone with the nurse down in Denver, and things are not changing and not looking any better. As of right now they are saying that she is definitely not going to make it :(  If she can make it through the weekend they will try to run some tests on Monday in the OR, but reality is that she may not make from her room to the OR :(
We will be going down Saturday morning to see our sweet baby girl. So she can hear her mommy and daddy's voice. We are praying that it gives her the strength to do what ever she needs to do. If it is  to get better or to let go.
We know our God is a God of great things. But I find myself praying Lord Just take her home. Where I know she is safe and will not have to deal with the pains of this world!
Please pray for strength of us as we travel to Denver and pray over her. May Gods will be done and that something change in the Bio moms heart.

In a stand still.....

Well, we are still at a stand still with our foster baby girl. I am waiting on the doctors to call me and explain things in more detail. But according to the nurse tonight she is still on life support and is not going to make it. She did not under stand what they were waiting for. SO I will wait for the doctor to call to give me the insight on what is really going on. Honestly I just want this all to be over with, for our baby girl to be out of pain.
We all know our God is a God of out standing things and I pray that His will be done. No matter what it is.
I miss her so much all ready! We have been with her pretty much from birth, We have been the soul parents! This is our baby girl down there in Denver and it is so hard not to be right by her side.
I found my self asking God why, and praying that I could just take the pain for her.
Please still pray, For peace and His will to be done,
I have also found myself with a new heart for this bio mom, I pray that some one is down there to support her and that God bring some one across her path to witness to her.

We miss you angle baby, stay strong and in the arms of the Lord! You have changed our lives FOREVER I LOVE YOU!!!

Crushed

Friends and Family,
Here is in update on our crazy little family. Our foster baby girl was fight for life to Denver Childrens Hopsital Monday night. Due to the fact she could not keep her oxygen level up. She is in critical condition and basically on life support. As of right now they believe it has to do with her pulmonary hypertension issue. They have not been able to get her stabilized to take her down to cardiology do run test. There is a good chance she may not make it.
I am still at home and calling the hospital daily. We ask that you PLEASE KEEP PRAYING.
Along with her being in the hospital we have made the decision that if/when she comes home she will be moved to a different foster mom that is closer to the hospital.
This is such a heart wrenching experience, to have "raised" this beautiful baby girl from birth and then just having to let her go. We know this is part of the whole foster care duty, but we feel like it is one of our own laying in the hospital crib. She is like a daughter to us and we would hate to have to let you slip away.
We pray that GODS will be done and that our baby girl can no long be in pain.
Thank you all for your love and support!! We GREATLY appreciate it.    

Coming Home

FINALLY! our baby girl will be coming home!!
Here is the scoop from my last post......
God sure answers prayer, DUH! He gave me a change of heart to help this YOUNG mom and encourage her to get moving fast on what she needs to do. She has still be staying at the hospital and doing okay with baby. They (the nurses) have had some ups and downs with her, but truly see her making progress on becoming a mom.
Baby girl will be coming home(our house) tomorrow, still on oxygen but hoping to be off my the end of the month. She was taken off her IV and drop down on her oxygen a great deal yesterday! I was SO SO excited to finally see this happen.
It will be interesting to see how this next week goes, as a fight with DHS to keep her home for the week and not go out! I would hate to see us back in the hospital just because we had to go out so much. 
Please still keep us in your prayers, as I know this will be the hardest case we may have to deal with.
Thank you all for such love and support, I truly do not know what we would do with out our friends, family, and church body that has been SO great to us. It is so peaceful to know that we had SO may people praying for us ALL over!

UGHHHH!!!!

Well friends and family I have finally found a minute that I can update you on  whats going on in your small but crazy families life.
For those of you who may not know our little foster baby girl is in the hospital. She was admitted late afternoon on Tuesday. After some test were taken we found that she has RSV. I stayed the first night in the hospital and all of the 2nd day. But now they (DHS) are letting Bio mom say with her.
I know crazy right for them to take a baby away from her and then just give her back at the drop of the hat. I will have to admit at first it was my idea that she stay the night, but they were already giving her (bio mom) 24hr access to her, so why should she not step in and be mom for reals! Well I do not know what I was thinking and well to be honest I still don't.
Right now I am at a lost for words and have just given it ALL to God... Waiting on his leading and trying to keep my mouth shut, which is really hard for me. As for our baby girl, she is getting better and we are going to try and wean her off the oxygen today. Still not set time for her to be discharged.
We ask that you stand in prayer with us for peace, wisdom and a sound mind. That out girl is healed in the name of Jesus and that she is whole! I am also believing that she will be able to be off the oxygen all together when she is discharged!
Thank you Jesus for all that you have done for us! For bearing our sins on the cross and making our baby girl whole. We thank you that you give JD & I peace and wisdom to deal with what ever comes our way, and that we have grace in this place! That you may still our anxious heart, give me grace to see beyond this moment here to believe that there is nothing left to fear,that you alone are high above it all.
Thank you Lord
Amen

Blessed

Well today I FINALLY got the mail, and to my surprise we had a package from my Grams. I was surprised (like I said) But as I opened it, read the card, and saw what was in the box, I balled like a baby. Our little family has been though SO much the last couple of months and some days I think we are never going to get a break.
To think that someone (my Grams) cares so much about us to send us something, blew my mind. I have always known that we were loved, but I guess just needed that extra reminder. She was so loving to send a letter (telling us how much we are loved and will be blessed for what we are going) and gifts for BOTH kidos.
Now most of you know J is just about to be an Allmon, So it did not really surprise me that she sent him something. But to think of our extra new little one, was such a blessing. THANKS GRAMS
We needed the reminder that no matter what comes our way we are loved and STILL blessed!!!!

God always know what he is doing....

Well all I can do is laugh right now... God had a plan, like always :)
Here is our families update, the morning after we found out our baby was not going to make it (really there was no baby there), I got a call at 8am from  our foster care placement team, she said she had an infant to place with us, we would need to go to Denver to pick her up.. I got off the phone shocked, Lord what are you thinking here? Called my husband and we prayed....
The next morning I had my D&C and then headed to Denver that evening, we spend the weekend in Denver and did not know what we had before us. I had heard that she was a cranky baby and had some problems, to say the least I was prepared for the worst.
I spent all weekend with her before we brought her home. I was amazed, she is a fighter and  an angel. We are believing for a full recovery and a healthy, thriving baby girl!

God is so good and we think He has the perfect plan for our life if we obey and say "Yes Lord"

Lost baby Allmon

Well last month when I went to the midwife, we thought I was about 7-8weeks along in my pregnancy. Until we went to the ultrasound and saw that I was only about 5weeks. Right there I knew something was wrong. But I was told not to worry and that everyone ovulates different and thats why we were off. I was told to come back in 4weeks. Although I thought something was going to be wrong we stood on Gods word and prayed and had everyone around us pray. Well today was that 4weeks, and as I sat in the waiting room I prayed and prayed and prayed. They did the ultrasound and well there was no baby. Nothing was growing and I heard those words I dreaded to hear. "Honey you have had a MISCARRIAGE, your sack has collapse and there is no baby growing" Surprisingly I took things really well and set up my appointment for my D&C (dilation and curettage). Everyone in the office was saying how sorry they  and I really did not want to hear it. 

Finally I think everything sank in and I started to cry. At first I was doing some what OK, I knew it was not my fault, nor Gods, nor anyone else. But then as it sank in more I started to get angry. Why would God let this happen? We prayed So much and so did every else around us.  What did I do wrong? Was this my punishment for an earlier mistake? Then I got made at the people who have caused SO much stress in our lives the last couple of months. If only they had left me alone, If only we had never met them. 

Once I sat back and listen to my self I knew I had to stop. I knew this was not Gods fault nor anyone else. I did not need someone  to blame. I need to lean fully on my Lord knowing that I will not find all the answers and that this is only going to make us stronger. 

So RIP baby Allmon you will ALWAYS be in our hearts and minds!! May God make us stronger and better people. 

MOMMY & DADDY LOVE YOU!

Its 2011!!!!

Its 2011 Everyone!!!! So far we have started off the new year with a great start!! J's bio-parental rights are being terminated. We are headed into the home stretch for him to ours. We have chosen to hang out with better friends and let some friends go.... God has such a great plan for us for 2011....

We will be growing closer to Him and leaning on all His greatness, planning to make new friends that will being us closer to God and lift us up not bring us down. I have great expectations for 2011.... So here we go....