Sick of holding it together!

Well friends I am so over acting like the world is some happy little place! I dont know why I have waited till now to loose it but, well I have. And maybe it is the fact that I was suppose to be getting a nursery together and bring home my baby in 2 weeks.

I never thought it would ever be this hard. The one thing that I have always wanted got taken away from me. It really hurts..... I dont even know what to say............ I need help!  Wanting to try again but afraid for it to happen again

Missing my angle

Well its been exactly a week sense we had to rush our baby girl to the ER :( I am really starting to miss her and its sinking in that she will not be coming back. I am doing great for the most part, then there are those times where I just loose it and it takes me forever to get myself back together lol. But I am glad to hear she is doing better, and seeing her has really helped.
I talked with the nurse earlier today and she said that she is still in critical condition but is stable. They were suppose to take her down to the OR today but that will have to wait till Wednesday, due to the fact the surgeon that has been following her closely is sick.  Please keep praying that Gods will be done and that the heart of Angies family change.
The heart of her family truly needs to be touch. That they can come to reality and take responsibility for their action. As of right now it is still "our fault" that all this has happened to Angalena :(

Keep praying and Thank you again for all your support!

Feeling better :0

Thank God we had a safe trip to Denver and back. It was a quick one, there and back really not anytime to breath! But we did get to spend a SHORT time with our sweet baby girl and pray over her. She looks good for all she has been through and I was really just preparing myself for the worst. Nurse say she is going a LITTLE better and are going to try and ween her a LITTLE off of all those drugs.
She is HIGHLY Sedated and under a lot of meds. But when I started to talk to her and first put my hand on her she MOVED a little!! WOW makes me cry right now. She knew her mommy and daddy were there and that we LOVE her SO much!
This has been a big eye opener and has made us realize a lot. We have had some conflicts with the Hospital and MDHS. Makes me want to stand up for all these little ones even harder.
We know that God never gives you more than we can handle and I truly believe He is preparing us for more that it to come. I have had a LOT of questions on if we are still going to do foster care or not. And although this is SO hard to have to go through I do not believe we have gotten the release to quit yet. We will more than likely take a small break for a month or so and then see what God has in store for us next. I truly think we are just in the beginning of what He has called us to do with the foster care system. I am really starting to get excited about it! I know it sounds totally crazy, But I also know God has a GREAT plan and I need to stop worrying and trying to take it in my own hands. Time to STOP and LISTEN and see what are next step is to be.
We ask that you STILL keep us in your prayers! We thank you all for your love and support. I do not know that we could have done all this with our your love and support! And thats how I know that we can keep doing this, because we have such GREAT friends and family!!!
THANK YOU!!!
Keep praying for our little girl, That the doctors can make some decisions soon and that she can be well!

Blank Mind.....

Just got off the phone with the nurse down in Denver, and things are not changing and not looking any better. As of right now they are saying that she is definitely not going to make it :(  If she can make it through the weekend they will try to run some tests on Monday in the OR, but reality is that she may not make from her room to the OR :(
We will be going down Saturday morning to see our sweet baby girl. So she can hear her mommy and daddy's voice. We are praying that it gives her the strength to do what ever she needs to do. If it is  to get better or to let go.
We know our God is a God of great things. But I find myself praying Lord Just take her home. Where I know she is safe and will not have to deal with the pains of this world!
Please pray for strength of us as we travel to Denver and pray over her. May Gods will be done and that something change in the Bio moms heart.

In a stand still.....

Well, we are still at a stand still with our foster baby girl. I am waiting on the doctors to call me and explain things in more detail. But according to the nurse tonight she is still on life support and is not going to make it. She did not under stand what they were waiting for. SO I will wait for the doctor to call to give me the insight on what is really going on. Honestly I just want this all to be over with, for our baby girl to be out of pain.
We all know our God is a God of out standing things and I pray that His will be done. No matter what it is.
I miss her so much all ready! We have been with her pretty much from birth, We have been the soul parents! This is our baby girl down there in Denver and it is so hard not to be right by her side.
I found my self asking God why, and praying that I could just take the pain for her.
Please still pray, For peace and His will to be done,
I have also found myself with a new heart for this bio mom, I pray that some one is down there to support her and that God bring some one across her path to witness to her.

We miss you angle baby, stay strong and in the arms of the Lord! You have changed our lives FOREVER I LOVE YOU!!!

Crushed

Friends and Family,
Here is in update on our crazy little family. Our foster baby girl was fight for life to Denver Childrens Hopsital Monday night. Due to the fact she could not keep her oxygen level up. She is in critical condition and basically on life support. As of right now they believe it has to do with her pulmonary hypertension issue. They have not been able to get her stabilized to take her down to cardiology do run test. There is a good chance she may not make it.
I am still at home and calling the hospital daily. We ask that you PLEASE KEEP PRAYING.
Along with her being in the hospital we have made the decision that if/when she comes home she will be moved to a different foster mom that is closer to the hospital.
This is such a heart wrenching experience, to have "raised" this beautiful baby girl from birth and then just having to let her go. We know this is part of the whole foster care duty, but we feel like it is one of our own laying in the hospital crib. She is like a daughter to us and we would hate to have to let you slip away.
We pray that GODS will be done and that our baby girl can no long be in pain.
Thank you all for your love and support!! We GREATLY appreciate it.    

Coming Home

FINALLY! our baby girl will be coming home!!
Here is the scoop from my last post......
God sure answers prayer, DUH! He gave me a change of heart to help this YOUNG mom and encourage her to get moving fast on what she needs to do. She has still be staying at the hospital and doing okay with baby. They (the nurses) have had some ups and downs with her, but truly see her making progress on becoming a mom.
Baby girl will be coming home(our house) tomorrow, still on oxygen but hoping to be off my the end of the month. She was taken off her IV and drop down on her oxygen a great deal yesterday! I was SO SO excited to finally see this happen.
It will be interesting to see how this next week goes, as a fight with DHS to keep her home for the week and not go out! I would hate to see us back in the hospital just because we had to go out so much. 
Please still keep us in your prayers, as I know this will be the hardest case we may have to deal with.
Thank you all for such love and support, I truly do not know what we would do with out our friends, family, and church body that has been SO great to us. It is so peaceful to know that we had SO may people praying for us ALL over!